Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
