we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
