It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
