batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
