Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
