I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
