Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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