so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
