I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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