last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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