yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
