ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
