Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
