I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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