I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
