Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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