We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
