You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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