I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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