This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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