Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
