I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
