Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
