I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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