chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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