I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
