I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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