Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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