i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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