There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
