nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
