I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
