why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
