Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
