census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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