thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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