I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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