This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
