im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
