Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
