i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
