Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
