Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
