I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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