We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
