Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
