Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
