remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
