just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
