Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my being single is dangerous.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
