I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
