She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
