Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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