I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
