I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
