Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are we still banned from the library?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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