He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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