i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
