Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
