What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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