Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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