remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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