There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize