Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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