i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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