woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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